Friday, June 18, 2010

The One Where I Make a Very Inappropriate Analogy

Over the past ten or so years, I've had plenty of practice at what Jeff would call "The Blackout." After agonizing losses by a Boston team, I will avoid any and all media that I possibly can. I don't need the failure of my team rubbed in my face for 48 straight hours.

Unfortunately, I'm also in the worst possible job in which to conduct a true blackout. There are 5,000 TVs at work and all of them are on sports channels.

Needless to say, the Lakers' championship will pounded into all senses of my brain tomorrow and there's absolutely nothing I can do.

But I can control what I watched tonight. Not one second of the celebration. Nope, I watched Valkyrie. There was nothing else on On Demand worth seeing. So I watched a movie about a failed plot to assassinate Hitler starring Tom Cruise with an eye patch.

And this may be the copious amount of Miller Lite I imbibed tonight, but I saw some parallels to the NBA Finals. The Celtics were the Resistance. They tried valiantly to take down Hitler (Lakers) and came really close. They had the lead in the fourth quarter, so to speak, but Hitler rallied and ended up killing them all. The end.

Oh boy. I've really lost it. I know. The Lakers aren't Nazis, but they're still despicable. I'm just admitting what hit my brain while watching the film. Good efforts and good intentions don't always end up with good results.

Screw this. It's time to really let it all out.

THAT F*&%ING SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!

The Celtics shut down Kobe Bryant. He was awful. Couldn't hit anything. No one on the Lakers could. They shot 33 percent. The Celtics had a 13-point lead in the fourth quarter. And the Celtics F$%&ing lost???? They blew a Game 7 about a month after the Bruins blew their Game 7. What's going on???? They got a great game from Rasheed Wallace, too!!
13 POINT-LEAD!!!!!!!!!!!


It's easy to see why in retrospect. They got demolished - DEMOLISHED - on the glass all day. As bad as the Lakers offense was, the Celtics' offense was worse. At the end, it was all isolation plays that went nowhere and resulted in terrible shots. No cutting to the rim. No post play. And sure as hell no free throws.

(The refs did not lose this game or series for Boston. But how did the Lakers have twice as many free throws in every game when they weren't the aggressors? How come they let the teams play in the first three quarters and then call a foul parade in the last? Ugh.)

Frankly, the Lakers had more talent. They actually hit the shots when it counted. They rebounded. They hit free throws at the end. And now they're champions for about the 4,456th time in the past ten years. The bad guys win sometimes. And when the Cavs do a sign and trade with Lakers, shipping LeBron to L.A. for Adam Morrison's mustache, the Lake Show will win a few hundred more.

The 2009-10 Celtics were always an infuriating, yet valiant club. Some days they played like absolute crap, engaging in months of listless basketball. This was why I wasn't expecting anything from this team. But they turned it on in the playoffs.

Still ... the see-saw act continued. They laid an egg in Game 3 vs. Cleveland. They laid an egg in Game 5 vs. Orlando. In the first game of the Finals, they just didn't show up. It was over by the middle of the first quarter. Inexcusable. Same thing for Game 6. This series was going to be tough enough without just handing games away.

For all the no-shows, there were games like tonight where they poured their heart and soul into every minute. Most of the times, their best efforts were enough. Not this time.

And that's how I'll remember this team. They were tough and feisty but also infuriatingly inconsistent. You know how Mets/Yankee fans feel about Darryl Strawberry? He had immense talent and always played hard. When he was on, he was a treat to watch. But every now and then the inevitable relapses came.

The Celtics weren't talented enough to relapse twice in these Finals. So it came down to a wacky Game 7, where their best wasn't enough, either. Like the 2003 Red Sox and the 2006-2007 Patriots, they gave us a bunch of great memories but will always be remembered for the way they lost.

I'm proud of the good, junkyard dog Celtics, frustrated and disappointed at the relapsing Celtics.

Honestly, I don't know what I think of them as a whole right now. The pain of this loss is too close right now. This goes up to No. 4 on my Most Agonizing Boston Loss list.

1. Pats lose to Giants

2. Red Sox lose 2003 ALCS

3. Patriots lose 2006 AFC title game.

4. Celtics lose Game 7

5. Northeastern's loss to BU in the Beanpot final. (We had 'em!)

What I do know for certain is that my hatred of the Lakers is finally in my blood. I've never liked them, but now I hate them. I hate Pau Gasol's Institute of Floptology, Kobe Bryant and his fake family bullshit after the half. I hate their purse poodle fans and their smug coach. I hate Derek Fisher and his BS shots. I despise them now with 100 percent of my being.

And I hope they go 0-82 next year. I mean, Hitler won in Valkyrie, but killed himself nine months later.
So there's that ...

No comments:

Post a Comment