Listapalooza Part 3

Bringing back an old feature ...

Top 5 songs I hear all the time on satellite radio

5. Welcome to Paradise - Green Day

4. Aeroplane - Red Hot Chili Peppers

3. Thirty-three - Smashing Pumpkins

2. The Cave - Mumford & Sons

1. Howlin' for You - The Black Keys

Top 5 songs satellite radio has introduced to me

5. Sweet Disposition - Temper Trap

4. Down by the Water - The Decembrists

3. The Ghost Inside - Broken Bells

2. Helicopters - Deerhunter

1. Young Blood - Naked and Famous

Top 5 bands that sound very similar to another band

5. Naked and Famous - Passion Pit/MGMT

4. JJ72 (them again) - Smashing Pumpkins

3. Silverchair/Seether - Nirvana

2. Muse - Radiohead

1. Silversun Pickups - Smashing Pumpkins

Top 5 "That Guy!" character actors

5. J.T. Walsh (A Few Good Men, The Negotiator)

4. Dylan Baker (Disclosure, Law & Order)

3. Kurt Fuller (Ghostbusters II, Wayne's World)

2. Glenn Morshower (24, Friday Night Lights)

1. James Rehborn (Independence Day, Scent of a Woman)

Top 5 most hated words

5. SpyGate - For obvious reasons

4. Cheese - Jut don't like it.

3. Testicle - Anytime the word comes up, something like "cancer" or "ruptured" is close by.

2. Mani-pedi - Do I even need to explain?

1. Tweet - I hate when important news is grouped with this word.

Top 5 favorite words

5. Sundry

4. Rapscallion

3. Pariah

2. Schaible

1. Skulduggery

Top 5 whitest bands

5. Weezer

4. Death Cab For Cutie

3. Wilco

2. Arcade Fire

1. Vampire Weekend (I looked this up after the fact and there are articles online about this topic. So no points for originality on my part.)

Top 5 funniest shows on TV right now

5. Conan - Love Ted Turner

4. Parks & Recreation - Love Andy Dwyer and Ron Swanson

3. The Ricky Gervais Show - Must use the term "knockin' about" in my life

2. The Colbert Report - It's been better than the Daily Show lately.

1. 30 Rock - The defending champion

Top 5 favorite TV bosses

5. George Steinbrenner (Seinfeld)

4. Michael Scott (The Office)

3. Ron Swanson (Parks & Recreation)

2. David Brent (The Office)

1. Jack Donaghy (30 Rock)

Top 5 random Conan characters (excluding Triumph the Insult Comic Dog)

5. Coked-up Werewolf

4. NASCAR-driving, gun-toting Jesus

3. Vomiting Kermit

2. Jewish Turtle Riding a Mechanical Bull

1. Masturbating Bear

Top 5 favorite Rhode Island people

5. Bill Reynolds

4. James Woods

3. Buddy Cianci

2. Art Lake (R.I.P)

1. Doug White (R.I.P.) - He used to come to Phred's all the time when I worked there. Nice guy. Great hair.

Top 5 favorite New York Yankees

5. A.J. Burnett

4. Ruben Sierra

3. Kei Igawa - Are the Yankees still playing him?

2. Jose Contreras

1. Kevin Brown - A travesty he's not in the Hall of Fame

Top 5 sporting events that have been ruined by my career in journalism

5. Super Bowl

4. Postseason hockey (for games that go into four overtimes)

3. Any trade deadline

2. NFL Draft

1. NCAA tournament - Utter insanity and almost impossible to enjoy now

Top 5 athletic moments

5. Cabin X football extravaganza - Where I intercepted a pass for a touchdown, caught a touchdown and ran for a touchdown to lead my team to victory

4. Dunk you very much - We were playing on an eight-foot rim once in Cranston - I don't know why - and I was facing some kid who had his girlfriend loudly and obnoxiously rooting for him to beat me. So I took it to the rim and dunked in his face. True story. Also true ... the girl stopped talking after that.

3. Leveling R.T. - In college, the three amigos plus our roommate from Seattle were playing two-on-two touch football. As the QB, the fourth roommate with the initials R.T. kept running for big plays. This is very lame in two-on-two. So in a bit of frustration, I attacked him at a perfect angle during one of his runs along the sideline and pushed him with such force to send him flying to the ground. Message delivered

2. Deion Sanders Sears - In one flag football game for CBS, I made two interceptions on consecutive possessions and caught a touchdown. I played such shutdown defense that the guys were calling me Deion. Or anti-Asante Samuel.

1. Three-on-three touch football champions - Zach, Jeff and I played a makeshift tournament in touch football for hours. We beat all challengers and advanced to the final against some athletic European types. It was a war. I caught the game-winning touchdown on fourth down. Afterward, I've never been so exhausted in my entire life.

Top 5 least favorite athletic moments

5. Dodge ball to face - In gym class, I was hit in the nose in dodgeball and bled profusely. Thing is, no one noticed. But that sucked.

4. The ski disaster - Already covered this

3. Fracture clavicle - We snuck into Cranston Stadium to play tackle football. I picked up a fumble and rumbled almost thirty yards down the sideline, but in a reverse of my R.T. leveling, I was speared badly. The tackler's heat met my clavicle. Fracture. I had to climb the fence with one arm to get out and I had to wear a sling for a few weeks. Intense pain.

2. One-on-one touch football standoff - I was the QB as Jeff and Zach battled in football. It was getting dark and for whatever reason, I decided I was done playing. With a dead arm, I threw terrible pass after terrible pass. I was Todd Collins. Just awful. We just had to call the game due to my suckiness.

1. Softball ejection - I will probably do a SteveCentury on this soon, even though Zach has told every living and non-living being on this planet and others this tragic story. I might as well get it down for the record.

And finally ...

To 5 names for Baby Schaible (which I am predicting to have a penis)

5. Vin Books Schaible

4. Tres Duces Schaible

3. Onion Dip Schaible

2. Tanyon Sturtze Schaible

1. Chinua Achebe Schaible - Duh.