One of my favorite past times from college was making up names for video games, Madden specifically. We came up with a few good ones, like Vin Books, Ian Sophocles and Miguel Arruba.
My mind has been wandering the past few days, and guess what popped in? Fake video game names. Yes, I have a strange brain.
So here's what I came up with.
1. Osiris Crumblepot: Osiris is your aging power forward who's been around the league and is always good for some "veteran presence." He never quite lived up the hype coming out of college. He made some bad investments. Was temperamental with the media. But he's good enough to ride the bench and perform his M.L. Carr impersonation.
2. Shelby Cervantes: A young, hot-shot outfielder, ala Jacoby Ellsbury. He's speedy and has some pop -- at the plate and with the ladies. He might develop a drug problem and expose himself in front of Tim McCarver during a post-season celebration.
3. Dunk Travers: Another old center who was great in his hey-day, but can only wear the Marc Blount face as he sits on the Pervis Ellison memorial bench seat. He could play the Patrick O'Bryant roll for a contending team.
4. Gunther Ponchatrain: A middling, career backup quarterback. Think Scott Zolak but with a cool name and even better Louisiana accent.
5. Tra'LaShawn Colson: A speedy wide receiver who always hurts his hamstring but makes you forget about it with the occasion 90-yard touchdown catch.
6. Samson Punchbox: Easy. A two-tooth hockey defenseman with little-to-no skill on the ice but tremendous potential to break a pool cue over your head in some sleazy bar after the game.
I do not ask anything of you, my loyal readership. But I have a request. I want you to add to this wonderful list. Come up with a cool name for a fake athlete. Surprise me. Enlighten me. Delight me.
If you don't, I will be very disappointed.