Now that we have a black president, there's only one more civil rights case left for this country to tackle. The one facing white men in this country, a long persecuted group. We get the blame for all the wars, the messed up economy, the corruption, George Bush and David Spade. But that's not the worst of it.
We can't even drink what we want now. We never could.
My roommate recently told me a story about a wedding he attended recently. He enjoyed a Michelob Ultra and guess what? He got shit for it. They called it a "girlie drink." They questioned his manhood. I empathized. I've been under this fire as well from certain Agents of Intolerance.
It is true, I've been known to enjoy a margarita. They taste good and I do not apologize for it. I even enjoy the taste of hard lemonade. I've never tried an apple martini, but I bet it pleasures the taste buds. For this, I've been ceaselessly attacked by gangs of frothing fundamentalists who would deny my right to drink what I want.
These Agents of Intolerance would have us men drink nothing but Budweiser, Coors, Miller, Pure Piss and Speckled Hen. Sam Adams is a "manly" brew and I like it. The others, I could take them or leave them. In the case of Speckled Hen, I prefer to just leave them. Heck, even Sam Adams has a Cherry Wheat beer I like. Is that girly? Should I hand over my man card?
I know you are nodding the nod of injustice. So I see how it is. Girls can drink regular beer and therefore be cool. They can also drink the tasty drinks, have guys pay for them, and enjoy them as well. Meanwhile, hardworking Steve the Blogger goes to the bar to order a drink that won't get his ass kicked. The bartender will nod at my order, pick up a glass, go out into a back alley and drag the cup through a puddle of dirty, moldy water full of cat piss and spit. The bartender will bring it to me and charge 8 bucks for it.
If I'm going to fork over my hard-earned money, I think I should enjoy the taste. There are forces in our society who would deny me this right. I ask you: Is this fair? Does this live up to our ideals as a nation? It does not and it really grinds my gears.
Who will be the Martin Luther King of this movement? Who will stand up for what's right? Maybe I'll do it ... after 24's season ends of course. One thing at a time, people.
And for the Agents of Intolerance (you know who you are), you are on notice, Stephen Colbert-style. If you ever criticize or confront me with your puerile prejudices again, I will fight you. I don't care if you are male or female.
That would be the manly thing to do.