Tuesday, February 17, 2009

An Ode to Coffee Milk

I enjoy coffee milk and I've made it my mission in life to spread it.

Some call it the "foul concoction." They just don't know. Even some of my co-workers were skeptical. Coffee milk? Like coffee with milk? Then I had them taste it and it was a giant success.

It's Rhode Island's official drink and, gosh darn it, America must learn about this. Still can't find the stuff down here at all. I've had to do some nasty things to attain "the stuff."

With that in mind, I thought about a new way to spread the word. Through the beauty of poetry. While poems may not be my speciality, everyone loves a good rhyme. So I composed the following diddly.

From the smallest of states came a gigantic treasure
A fine local blend to give us all pleasure
Throughout the land, sad ignorance runs wild
Of a grand, precious product given no trial

"Coffee milk? Why, that'll make us ill!"
The pundits will say
"I'll never partake in such dastardly swill!"

They ignore the sweet taste of a gallant little sip
That Autocrat and Eclipse bring to our lips
Perhaps they are scared, the peons of today
So dismissive they be, from Newark to L.A.

"Coffee milk is no drink I will ever try"
Protest the weak simpletons
"I would rather gouge my own eye"

Do they forget what RI has done for out nation?
Family Guy, Dell's, the Vinny Pazienza creation

The state of Rocco, hot weiners and Salty Brine
A land of James Woods, Art Lake and R.J. Heim

"You've convinced me dear sir, I'll drink if I may"
Will concede the stubborn
"If Buddy Cianci says so, then I must obey"

Here forth the word of this heavenly drink shall spread
The scintillating sensation will consume all, don't dread
Finally these yokels shall see the errors of their ways
And proclaim their allegiance until the end of days

"Oh what greatness! Oh forever protect us!"
The converts will cry
"The Liquid of the Gods! The Nectar of Justice!"


  1. Coffee milk is trash. Be a man and drink real coffee. Or at least Del's.

  2. This is a cry for help. I'm sure of it.

  3. I think Steve's been drinking something other than coffee milk.